Children are a blessing from the Lord!
This child SAVED my life!
There is NOTHING I'd rather do! #exceptsleepsometimes
It's all I ever dreamed about (becoming a wife and mother) #butididntknowthatmeanthousekeeperlaundromatcookslavetotheirwhims
It's my dream come true!
It's the greatest thing that ever happened to me!
My children make me laugh every day! #andCRY
I don't know what I'd do without them! #maybegoonarelaxingvacationbythebeachandnothavetodoanything
They are my gifts from God! #canihavethegiftreceiptsplease #JUUUUUSTkidding
I LOVE being a mom!
I LOVE that I can "Stay at home" with them!
They are my whole world! #becauseidonthavetimeforanythingelse
Ok OK OK, etc etc etc... I'm not negating ANY of those things. But at the end of the day, I can think of a million ways I've "Failed" being the perfect mom that day.
Did I feed them enough?
When's the last time they BATHED?
Did I give them a good day?
Did I write a note in Aurora's lunch and if not, did she reach into her lunch bag, NOT find a note from me and slump over, let down, sad, feeling neglected?! (*OH
BOY*)
BOY*)
I shouldn't have let her spend so much "screen time" today!
Did I really listen to her?
What is she believing about God because of how I interacted with her today?
Did I even HUG her today?
Is she going to grow up and not want anything to do with God and Christians because of what I DID or DIDN'T do today?
Is she going to grow up resenting me for this or that?
Did I protect her from every possible scenario that could have hurt her emotionally, physically, spiritually??
Did I protect her from every possible scenario that could have hurt her emotionally, physically, spiritually??
Oh good Lord, I could just bury myself under this heap of guilt and blame and worry and fear .....
Wait, then she'd be scarred for life because I lived under that her whole life...Oh GOD! S.O.S.! *waving the white flag of surrender* I give up.
Parenting is HARD.
Come to think of it, I'm only a 12 year old parent. I became a mom when Aurora was born 12 years ago, so I've only been a parent as long as Aurora's been alive.
(I know, DEEEEEP)
So, no wonder I don't do everything perfectly right and have all the answers.
As a wise woman once said (actually it was my mom and she's said it more than once)
"The first 40 years of parenting are the hardest" 
So, there's HOPE! If I can just get out from under this heap of self-inflicted expectations long enough to believe that.
Also, I think my mom is lying, after all, she's the one that led me to believe that this parenting thing was THE BOMB. So I guess I should re-think everything. #anotherbloganotherday
#anotherbloganotherday
Anyway, so I was sitting in a room full of 20 other parents, sharing "one way we fell short and let our kids down" and "one way we succeeded". The bad and good varied.
I sat there thinking, "Oh! so NONE OF US *REALLY* KNOW for SURE that what we are doing GOOD is going to make them "Turn out right"? And NONE OF US are SURE that what we are doing is 100% the perfect thing for our kid every moment of every day?? Hmmm... So maybe all the families that look like they have it all together, don't. And maybe I'm not the only one feeling like I've failed my children in one way or another every day.
THAT leaves me (us) with absolutely no other way to parent than to be side by side, in the face of JESUS every moment of parenting. #Soundseasyenough.
#notreally #hardtodowhenmytoddlerisscreamingandhittingmypreteeninthebackseatandimdrivinganditsrainingandtheresnopausebuttonforlife #imayhaveflailedmyarmaroundthebackseattryingtomakecontacttostopthechaos #ialsomayhaveyelledonce 
But who's keeping track.
So, Jesus was super kind and gentle and showed me this:
For three years of His life on earth, He spent every single moment of every day with 12 men. Disciples. He "discipled" them, trained them, corrected their mindset, behaviors and beliefs. He performed miracles, spoke parables, told them that He would die for the sins of the world and rise again, victorious. So OBVIOUSLY, ALL of those grown men who could SEE Him, HEAR Him, WALK with Him every day, EFFORTLESSLY FOLLOWED HIM every step of the way. They had faith that when He was on the cross, they would watch Him rise again in 3 days. They never varied from the path, they never waivered from His teachings! Because clearly JESUS personally training and building relationship with these men would create perfect followers of Christ!
Wellll, except for the one who betrayed Him and led Him to His death on the cross.
Ohhh, and the one that denied Him as He was being crucified.
Oh, and the one who got the nickname for all of time "DOUBTING THOMAS"....
.........And, oh, ALL OF THE OTHER ONES who denied, rejected, abandoned Him in His darkest hours on earth.
So, if Jesus, the Almighty, Creator, God of all, had moments that "looked like" He had "failed" in properly training these 12 men, I *may* have times that "look like" failure, too. But there's a bigger picture that I don't always see in the moment.
Yeah, at one point or another these disciples of Christ messed up, but since Jesus "Trained them in the way they should go", those same guys (minus one 
) ended up turning the world upside down and redirecting the way of all mankind from that moment forward, spreading across the earth and preaching the Gospel to every man! And to this day, that same gospel is being spread and preached around the world!
) ended up turning the world upside down and redirecting the way of all mankind from that moment forward, spreading across the earth and preaching the Gospel to every man! And to this day, that same gospel is being spread and preached around the world!
So, a moment, or moments,.... or days.... or weeks of something that looks like "failure" isn't actually that. That's what the enemy wants me to believe. But God REDEEMS. He REBUILDS. He RESTORES. He can turn the heart of a king. He can turn one man denying Christ, to that same man proclaiming the love of Christ, the gospel and the TRUTH Of Christ around the world. He can turn the "Doubter" into an evangelist that brings the Gospel to India and turns many "doubters" into steadfast believers. I mean, HE's THAT Good.
My children could have PERFECT parents and still mess up.
My children could have terrible parents and grow up to be powerhouses for God.
I've seen both things happen.
But, you know what? My kids have US. On purpose. For a reason.
So WHEN I mess up and fail them, but I look into the eyes of God, HE sees the bigger picture and wants to show me.
He doesn't expect perfection from me.. or my kids. He WANTS relationship. And He's patient and kind and good.
He will not fail me, even though I fail him, and my kids..sometimes. 
He is the Perfect Father, to me, to my kids...
......and even to MY parents, of whom, He once told me that:
"The first 70 years of parenting are the hardest"
