Since then, I haven't been able to even SAY the WORD "problem" without having this run through my head! Hahaha :)
All that to say:
I'VE GOT A LOT OF PROBLEMS!! and A LOT OF ISSUES!
So.....
*Turns out* -- living this "abundant life" as a follower of Jesus is pretty darn hard. Like, it's SO GOOD, "it's da best!" *Nacho Libre* But, it's just really hard to not get swallowed up under the weight of the enemy's threats and tactics. I mean, I can be flying high, me and Jesus are in constant communication, He's hanging out with me all day and then *BOOM* I'm upside-down, hanging from a tree, foot caught in a rope/snare-trap, confused and dazed.
The enemy is tireless and relentless.
The problem is, I get tired easily and I want everything to be "one and done" - "I've dealt with this before, I shouldn't have to fight this again" kind of mentality.
But, that's not realistic.
I know the TRUTH is that the enemy comes only to steal and kill and destroy, but geez, come on, can a girl get a break!?
One of my "LOT OF PROBLEMS" is a LIE that was fed to me by the enemy, that I grabbed on to and claimed as part of my identity.
Like freckles on my face, I wore the belief that I was:
*Un-loved
*Un-love-able
*Worthless
*No one cares about me
*Reject-able
*Always Alone
*Forgotten
Carrying these beliefs around made it so easy for the enemy to re-iterate that these were true every time anyone let me down. Grrr, that's, like...a LOT.
Because people are humans, too.
And everyone has their own set of lies they believe, which they then, live out of, which will inevitably affect me, if I'm in relationship with them.
So, yeah, those pesky little buggers have the potential to be triggered EVERY DAY.
And if I let them hang out with me and soak into my brain, it snowballs so quickly until I feel like I could die under the pressure. Which is, of course, right where the enemy wants me - If not DEAD, then at least paralyzed, buried under my blankets, secluded from the rest of the world.
{{Can I just add in here: *It's just so frustrating that I could've ever picked up and believed these lies, because I couldn't have been raised with more love, which makes me think, What the heck are MY kids picking up?! Ughh...anyway, a whole other thought for a whole other blog post...*}}
Back to me and my "LOT OF PROBLEMS!!"
When I came to Jesus with "all my problems", I knew He was holding me, He was THERE, but I couldn't see His face. I could just "sense" Him, maybe because in my heart, I KNOW He's always there, but this particular time, there was something in the way of me being face to face with Him.
I didn't know what it was right away but when I let my defenses down, the dam burst and the tears start streaming, and my heart cried:
"Take me back!! Don't leave me here on this rotten earth! I hate it here! I hate the enemy! I hate having to deal with all the crap and the lies, and the deceit, and the sludge and muck that the enemy always throws at me! I hate living in an imperfect world, in an imperfect body with an imperfect mind and heart - - I HATE IT. Don't make me do this, take me back to live with YOU. I just want to be sitting at the feet of Jesus in constant worship, in real life, all the time, with nothing in the way, nothing between us!"
Don't get me wrong, It's not that I'm suicidal, it's just that I want to live in Heaven, at Jesus feet, with no cares of this world interfering with my heart.
To be free of the enemy's threats, the attempts the enemy makes to destroy my marriage, my children's lives, me. Just to be done with it and be in a perfect garden like God originally intended. #simply #idontaskformuch
The thing about Jesus is that when He answers me, I'm always like : "....I DIDN'T EVEN SEE IT COMIN'!"
I always think I know what He's going to say, but then His truth is so profound and heart-shifting, that I'm left in awe that His thoughts are sooo high above my thoughts and that my heart is in His hands and He can turn it on a dime, with His peace and Love and Truth, just sweeping thru and exposing and removing the lies and leaving Truth soaking into every crevice of my heart and mind.
He knows what it's like on this earth. He was here, too. He lived through the chaos and darkness the enemy has sown in this earth. He was tempted, He was rejected, and in the end, He was ALONE. In that moment on the cross when He cried out, "My God, My God, WHY have you forsaken me?" He was alone. So, why? Why did He do it? Why would he LEAVE HEAVEN and subject himself to this??
"For the JOY that was set before Him..." I mean, you guys can claim that verse too, but I know that He means ME.
But seriously, FOR THE JOY that was set before Him, He endured the cross, despising the shame. His eye was on the PRIZE. His eye was on ME. His eye was on beating Satan once and for all. His eye was on being seated at the right hand of the throne of God. His eye was on the JOY set before Him.
Living on earth was not His mission. Dying was not His mission. Being caught up in the here and now is not what He's called me to. He's called me to live in VICTORY with HIM. The part that is "yet to come".
He reminded me of my purpose, my mission, my calling. When I "fix my eyes on Jesus", and focus on Him, the earth melts away and I am caught up in His Light; my LOT OF PROBLEMS is a faint memory and His Truth sets me free to be who He created me to be. And, that's really all I want to be.
If I can remember to look into the face of Jesus, and be as close to Him as I can be until the moment I am face to face with Him in Heaven, ALL MY PROBLEMS seem so small and so easy to overcome. And these "Trials" seem WORTH IT.
So, 1) If you got nothing else from reading this, don't be a Debbie Downer. *please watch video, link posted below*
and 2) If you've got a LOT OF PROBLEMS like I do, take some time to talk to Him about it. He has something to tell you that you don't already know. He's pretty smart like that.
then, 3) People are humans, too. Offer grace because we all need it. Life is hard. Let's stick together.
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