PEACE

Every year, for the last 6 or 7 years, I've asked Jesus to give me a word to carry with me thru the year. And, each year, He puts a word in my head that just sticks out and seems to pop into my head for weeks until I realize "OH! that's my word!" So, I claim it and watch how the Lord uses it in my life as the year unravels. And, it's CRAZY how it is always the theme for my year. 
Last year, I knew my word was "Transition"... and I knew it was from the Lord, because I would NOT have used that word - I was looking more for a word like, "RELAX"- "Rest"- " VACATION" -  haha - But, maaaan, was last year a transition year for us all! Drew's focus shifted to getting his Teaching License, which brought him back to taking college classes, in addition to his other responsibilities. Aurora transitioned into a pre-teen, which brings challenges and maturity. Arleigh transitioned from a baby to a full grown adult...just kidding, but seriously, sometimes, it's like "What happened to the baby stage?! I thought that was supposed to last for like 4 years??" And, I transitioned from being a hermit after going thru a pregnancy and newborn that kept me house bound and completely unavailable for social life, to teaching piano/voice lessons and leading the kids choir at church and being a part of the worship team. Lots of new things, lots of transitioning, lots of really good things, lots of really hard hurdles and lots of incredible victories. 

As December 2015 hit, my mind and heart starting looking forward to 2016 and what my word was going to be. But December was insanely busy. We had a a birthday, a birthday party, school Christmas events and basketball games and practices, Church Christmas events, Family events, including an adoption ceremony and party, and then of course, celebrating Christmas with 30 of my 40 family members at the coast for a few days....OH! Also, sickness was thrown into the mix - never a dull moment around here! 

As January approached, I was literally feeling panic, anxiety and stress over not knowing what my word was going to be. How can the year start without me knowing what word to plan my year around!? I started throwing words around like nerf darts in my head, hoping just one would stick, and ...nothing. 

Oh come on, surely ONE of these could work! "Bloom" "Strength" "Unity"...They're all good, folks! Pick one! 10..9...8...7...6.... Aghhh!! I DON'T HAVE A WORD!! As the ball drops, I'm looking up the definition of Auld Lang Syne - maybe that's my word!! Nope. I'm seriously desperate. Like, it's stupid how desperate I am. 

Jan. 1 comes and goes. I've already started off my year wrong. Every time I think about it, I feel weird. Like, panic, anxiety, guilt, worry....And then, finally, Jan 2, I'm falling asleep and I hear it so clearly - PEACE. 

Wait, really!? Is that my WORD!? Could it be? 'Cuz that would be freaking awesome right about now. *thinking...searching my heart...asking God* 

Yeah.

It's peace. 

I can't tell you the weight that slid off my back and heart at that one word. Looking back on December, I think "Maaan, I should've been claiming PEACE all month already!" 

- "Comes in handy down here, bub!" (It's a Wonderful Life) 

I started listing in my head all the things I could've claimed "Peace" over instead of anxiety, stress, fear, panic...and as I thought of each one, I had such a mixture of emotions - but mostly, sadness that I had missed out on so much Peace that was there, ready for me to reach out and claim, instead of the times I reached for fear instead. 

The idea that Peace awaits me, that Peace is so ready and available for me at every single moment of my day, of my LIFE, is such a relief. 

Peace brings me closer to the presence of God, which is really my heart's desire anyway. The reason I was created. To be in His presence. PEACE.

And every time I choose to chase panic and weigh myself down in chains of Fear, I am so distracted at carrying those heavy burdens that my heart shifts it's focus and I forget that God is holding me, all my worries, my schedule, my children, my husband, every aspect of my life... and it's not heavy for Him, it's not overwhelming, He's not worried, He's not panicked. 

When I choose Peace, even if my surroundings aren't peaceful, calm and quiet, I can be experiencing peace inside me. 

When I choose to look into the Eyes and Heart of God, I see Peace. Love, Joy, etc. I don't see a furrowed brow concerned about how my day is going to turn out, how my choices today will affect my future, if I'm making the PERFECT CHOICE for right now... I see Love.  

Love that brings me Peace. 

A calming Presence that brings Joy. 

It's a ripple effect. By looking to Him, the storm around me and inside me is completely calmed. I hear "Peace, Be still" and I want that. I want that Peace. My heart cries out for Peace, but sometimes it still *feels* fear, anxiety, panic. But when I look into His eyes, it comes like a slow motion wave over my dry, desert, thirsty heart. It envelopes my soul like a welcomed, warm, comforting fire, after being out in a cold, wet, thunderstorm. 

It feels like home. 

And, I am a Home body. I like being Home. 

So this year, I'm almost giddy over getting handed the word "Peace" from God. I feel like I got the exact gift my heart needed for this year. 

ALMOST like He knows me, a little bit. *wink*

My heart has been flooded with scripture about Peace in the last few days. Every song I hear seems to have the theme of Peace. I love when I join the ranks of people down through history that have been on the same quest as I find myself now.

Peace. It's not just something beauty contestants say to win the pageant. 

Psalm 46:5- God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved...

Mmmm that sounds good, I'll have that. (Dumb and Dumber)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNqo4Un2uZI

So, here's to a year filled with unexplainable, lasting, supernatural PEACE! 

P.S. Also, keep in mind that this was written while the pre-teen was chasing the adult-sized toddler around the house trying to get a tube of lipstick out of her hand, Drew was putting away all the Christmas decorations, (a million points to Drew) - Arleigh played with playdough, then had lunch and I put her to bed, which she then proceeded to climb out of her crib for the first (of many) time (s)... I thought it was fitting. A good challenge to write a post about peace during a (subjectively) not-peaceful time.