Give me a scenario and I'll tell you all the possible things that *can* and *will* go wrong within 10 seconds.
I'm *THAT* good!
It doesn't start out looking like Panic, it starts out looking like "Being prepared", "Concern", "Being Discerning", but it doesn't take long before it's all-out Panic, (branching out of Fear) in hopes of controlling the environment and all the people involved (is that asking too much?!) all in an effort to feel safe and be at peace. So, basically, as long as I can anticipate each possible bad thing that could happen, I will be prepared to handle it and come out winning!
I mean, don't try this at home, because I'm not sure it's EVER WORKED. And, the preparation process is very time consuming, in fact it's ALL-consuming.
AND, Crippling.
(*You really have to listen closely to the advertisements for Panic! This is in the fine print but I didn't really pay attention, because of all the promises that Panic would help me find Peace.
........"May cause Crippling, Paralyzation of the body, mind and heart, and keep you in bed for days, weeks and months at a time"*)
Even though it really never works for me, I just never give up hope that it WILL, in THIS ONE case, THIS ONE TIME, work!
Oh, also, it's really important, for me, in this process, my philosophy is basically this, and this is something that I live by, and I always have, and I always will: Don't ever, for any reason, ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you've been, ever, for any reason whatsoever."....(*Michael Scott, The Office) ask for God's input, at all. Ever.
My 0% success rate has landed me back in God's presence every single time, frustrated, dazed and confused. Panic has become habit, I don't even have to think about it, It's automatic. I just immediately go there when faced with any sort of pending tension. And, it's incredibly exhausting.
Fast forward to 2016 and God saying that my word for the year is "Peace".
"THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET THIS WHOLE TIME!!"
Ohhhh, so the way I've been trying to get there hasn't worked, how about a whole different route? And how about a whole different definition of Peace? Uhmm, hmm, Thought about it, I'm in. Again.
And then He shows me this:
Peace: He's sitting by a lazy river, a beautiful breeze, rainbows, butterflies, allthethings. "He leads me beside the still waters, He restores my Soul"
{{Mmmm, I'll have that.}}
He's calm, He's thoroughly enjoying every color, every living thing, every cloud, every ray of Sunshine.
Panic: Jesus is standing outside a deserted, ghost town, it's all grey. Tumble-weeds, Tornadoes sweeping through, wild branches whipping around. I can almost taste the dust in my mouth. The tornadoes are made up of people and things and emotions and ideas and hurt feeling and expectations and possible outcomes.
But, Jesus isn't rushing in and trying to calm the tornado and fix all the people and all the problems.
I'm confused and *panicked* -
"Hurry, fix ALL THE THINGS!! Create peace so I feel safe! ughh, fine I'LL GO IN AND DO IT!!"
(Clearly, God does NOT know how, when , where, why, etc! And, CLEARLY, I'm needed for this task!)
So, I go in and blindly pull at things and people and nothing's working and the town, like a continuously-shaken snowglobe, (but it's dust) just goes on.
So, actually, it's more like the inside of a vaccuum cleaner bag. Ew! (#Jimmyfallon)
I step outside of Panic and see Jesus standing there, Peacefully.
::*DOES NOT COMPUTE*::
HOW? "How can you just stand there and not go in and fix everything? Aren't You all about PEACE?!"
Yeah, He is. Just not the kind of "peace" I mean. Not the kind of "peace" that's a quick fix that makes me "feel better" and relieves the tension in the moment. He's more about the eternal, everlasting Peace that is present even in Chaos.
(*squinty eyes*)
Right?? I know. Me, too. That's what I WANT!! That's what I've been trying to accomplish....onmyown. *whispers under breath*
I look over at the lazy river and Jesus sitting there, blowing dandelion fuzz, (I know there's a scientific name for them, but you know what I mean) :) , watching the seeds float lazily away. And, my heart LONGS, pants, thirsts for that. Why can't I get there and stay there?
Oh, that's right, because I think I can control people and situations, better than God can - so, in a way, I'm putting myself in the place of God - BECOMING who I think God should be, trying to do what I think God should do in the situation. Again, with the "Ew!"
*DO NOT WANT"* ((Shaking head feverishly))
{{:::Picture clicks:::}}
God, Peace Himself, is walking thru a cloudy, dingy room. He's calmly setting a banquet table, it's beautiful. But the room is not.
He anoints me. Commissioning me to walk in the Identity He gave me.
He starts pouring into me, Life, Breath, Identity. My Cup overflows.
This is starting to seem familiar.
Psalm 23. #everheardofit?!
He prepares a table, in the presence of Fear, Panic, Depression, Anxiety. He wants me to stay, to sit with Him, to just BE, in my Identity, in Him.
But, how?! There's chaos everywhere!
He doesn't just HAVE Peace. He IS Peace.
So when, I'm *in the middle of* the Valley of Fear and Death, I can have Peace, because He is with me. It's not one or the other. I don't have to be EITHER by the river of Peace OR in the middle of Panic. I can have Peace in the middle of the Panic all around me.
*Mind Blown*
Oh, and one more {pretty big} thing. He reminded me that my calling, my identity, is NOT to BE *God*. He's pretty much got that role handled.
(I mean, a few more years and He should have it down pat!)
You know that saying, "Be Yourself! Everyone else is taken" ? -Well, in this case, I've been given permission to be MYSELF, who He created me to be - the role of God is taken. *AAAAlellu-yaaahh!! Cuz that was getting to be a tough job!*
And, the more I spend time with God, not only do I become MORE like *Him*, I become more like the person He created ME to be. So, thasss priiittty cool.
At this point, it doesn't take a genius to figure out, I'm running, panting, from Panic and into the Presence of Peace (*trying not to get panicked about getting there fast enough*)
And, I sit by Jesus and ...well, you know the way it goes... He talks with Me and He tells me I am His own and the JOY we share, as we tarry there, none other has ever known....
But, now that I know it, I hope other people really do know it, too, because it really stinks to be stuck in Panic, when all I have to do is reach out and touch the Hand of Jesus, look into His eyes and be taken from Panic to Peace, in a flash.
::::: Ahhh, Now that I'm over the panic of getting this written down, I think I'll go sit by the River.::::
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